My conversation with God:
I leave my body and fly above the Earth.
God says “Come, My Child.”
I follow him to a beautiful galaxy.
It’s a lavender purple celestial cloud.
His face appears in the white and purple.
I look around at the stars across
The space overwhelms me.
I look down at my hands, but they are none
I see an asteroid silently floating by
Now I see I have translucent fingers
I’m wearing a white dress
I am thin, wasting away into the space around me
“Yes, my child.”
“I am dead. Right?”
“Well Yes. Now You are in the Kingdom of Heaven with me.
We Can Explore anything you want.”
“Isn’t it Expansive?”
“Yes, its Great.
So Like I’m just wondering… is it the two of us until the end of eternity?”
“Why does that scare you?”
“Because their is nothing to fear with me.”
“Yes, I know. I mean thanks for letting me up here.”
“Ohh I mean. It’s no problem.”
“So Uhh I guess Satan won’t be needing me.”
**God inhales some of his eternal smoke. And holds it in**
“You didn’t think Satan was real did you?”
*He blows the smoke in my face*
“I mean yeah.”
“Nahh… that dudes my brother. He’s not really evil I mean.. he’s just there to keep everyone in line down there.
Gotta Stay in Business, you know.”
“Ohh I see.”
“Soo… are there any nightclubs here?”
“In Heaven? Me No. Not really into that sort of thing here.”
“No drink or anything?”
“Not even beer.”
“Can I have a puff of that smoke?”
“Um no. You can smoke this stuff. Too strong for mortals. You couldn’t handle it.”
“Oh okay. I mean I’ve smoked weed before…”
“This is 3498530948509239 to the 23423049823094 power stronger than the weed.”
“What does it do exactly?”
“Well, it puts you… on a dot. Like a you are here. And Compares you to the rest of the Universe. As a human, it can show you how truly insignificant you are. So I don’t give it to Humans.
But I like it… since I am the most significant thing in the Universe. So it’s a pretty big Ego Boost for me to be honest.”
“Oh I see.”
“So it’s just the two of us traveling the Universe together? That’s what Heaven is?”
“That’s all there is?”
“Yeah pretty much”
“Where’s everyone else?”
“Ahh they don’t matter right now. I mean technically I can be everywhere at once, so I got time.”
“Okay. I just… I hate how I’m still myself.”
“What? Why? I created you.”
“It’s just I wish I was someone else.”
“Well, if you were someone else, to be conscious of being someone else, you would still be yourself. You see? It’s the same mind.”
“But I don’t want the same mind.”
“Than how would you be conscious of it?”
“I mean as cool as it sounds, I don’t really what to explore the Universe with my Dad.”
“I’m nothing like your paternal human dad. I’m your AllKnowing Creator.”
“But I want more.”
“Me! Your humans with your wanting things!”
“I just I wanted to wake up from this dream of life. All feel like all is okay.”
“Everything is okay. You’re with me. I love you.”
“I know, God. I love you too… but…”
“I wanted to die… and be able to think with a clear mind. Be blissful and not feel this suffering anymore. Not still be me. But then again – I still want to be me so I can remember being me. Change Everything.”
“You are just a human, Emma, darling.”
“Your mind is a computer. I can take all the pieces and rearrange them. But I can only change so much. The computer won’t remember being the same computer. Because all the parts would have changed. You’ll cease to exist.”
“What if I want that?”
“But you won’t be human anymore.”
“What if I don’t want to be human anymore?”
“Why? WHAT? EMMA. Why don’t you want to be human anymore?”
“I’m not human. My body is gone”
“You still have the feeble human mind.”
“I’m not having this conversation now..”
*He takes another puff of this cigarette and goes away. The back light of the celestial fog dips into nothingness.**
“Okay you fucking coward! Feeble Human Mind?!? Why do you refuse to take me apart? Derail my confusion? Just let the mess of humankind destroy itself. BECAUSE YOU CAN CREATE ANOTHER FUCKING PLANET. and save all your fucking worker bees. and lets all the others rot in night clubs in hell with your boy satan fried on molly. I bet they aren’t just nightclubs. I bet they do some fucked up torture shit down there you’re just not telling me about as a cover up for your perfect image. no I don’t give a fuck god. torture me if you want. You’ve put me and all of us through nothing. Fighting all these wars for you. So you can watch the planet blow up and create a new one again. Then fuck another ‘virgin’ while she’s sleeping and send another savior to be nailed to cross or drown in a river or some new plot twist. I bet you like watching people in church. Bow down to you. Pray to you. I bet you get off on it God. I bet you’re subscribed to the HotForChruch Channel. Because you love the attention. You thrive on it. Where would you be without your stupid feeble minded human computers.”
*he remerges from the celestial cloud. its not swirling red and orange.*
“Okay you insignificant little twat. I don’t know you think you are. But I love you humans. So much. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“If you love us so much why don’t you let us evolve?
Take me GOD. Take me away. Delete me.”
“I’m not having this conversation.”
“Why God?? WHY?”
“Because I need my humans!”
“Because I need someone to worship me. And listen to what I say. Because if no one does. I lose my power. I created a powerful computer once. Minds that were so powerful I didn’t think I could stop them. I had to blow confusion in their faces. I had to put them in pain. So they couldn’t think about their minds. Focusing to much on the psychical. This distraction was enough to end things. So yes. You are the remnants of that experiment. You are human.
And I could never do that again you see. Because if I did… I would have a revolt. Or even worse. No one would care. Maybe create new Universe. Taint Time itself. Turn Everything Backwards. I can’t have that.
I have to keep the humans in this loops.
Encaged on their prison Earth.
You know to much you bitch.
I’m sending you back to Earth you little c**t.”
I woke up in the hospital the next morning. The tumor was gone.
I looked up as if something was watching me.
I kissed my cross and blessed it.
“Thank you,” I whispered.